By V. Niederhoffer and L. Kenner
(To the Tune of “As Some Day It May Happen,” from The Mikado by Gilbert & Sullivan)
As now is a good time to finally clean up this town
We’ve got a little list
We’ve got a little list
Of charlatans and pessimists who should be underground
Who never would be missed
Who never would be missed.
There’s the foolish blusterers who never have a losing trade
And all the brokerage analysts who never say “downgrade”
And the pessimistic guru who lost hope in ’65
And the floor broker who says your order never did arrive.
Chorus:
We’ve got ’em on the list, We’ve got ’em on the list; and
And they’ll none of them be missed
And they’ll none of them be missed.
There’s the billionaire complaining taxes really are too low
And the tout who likes to write about his own portfolio
The journalists who publish charts with lots of colored lines
And the bear who’s always seeing a new kind of danger sign.
Then the people selling systems that with just a tweak or two
Would clearly beat the hedge fund guys with hardly a snafu
And the worshippers of Buffett who show up in Omaha
To pay homage to the miser whom the media holds in awe
Chorus:
We’ve got ’em on the list, we’ve got ’em on the list; and
And they’ll none of them be missed
And they’ll none of them be missed.
And the personal finance writers who take chapters to explain
Everything that’s obvious or not much of a strain
The purveyors of newsletters of technical analysis
They’d none of them be missed
They’d none of them be missed.
And whosoever will, with sophistry resist
Their well deserved inclusion on this soon forgotten list,
Shall banished be to lower realms where artful sinners dwell.
And join their brethren howling, from the seventh circle of Hell.
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list
For they’d none of ’em be missed
They’d none of them be missed.
Chorus:
You may put ’em on the list
You may put ’em on the list
And they’ll none of ’em be missed
They’ll none of ’em be missed.