The Hedge Fund Song

(to the tune of “What Is a Man?”)

There are so many, so many
Hedge funds to choose
Which one is the best hedge fund for me?
They all are long-and-short, as far as I can see
Seven thousands funds, one strategy.

There is no risk
None whatsoever
Win, lose or draw
They take my fees
I’ll ┬áprob’ly lose all my money
Something about it seems funny.

There is no risk
With a long-short fund
They charge me fees,
’cause they are so good.
Thank goodness I’m in a long-short fund!
They’ll take my fees,
Fees upon fees,
I give it all to them!

(spoken)
Five percent
Quite a low commission
Four percent management fee
Plus one-fifth
Of my profits
One-third if they’re good
Goodbye, goodbye gains!

What’s a good fund?
Is it a black hole?
Taking more fees
‘Till I’m bled dry?
Paying a bite to a fund of funds?
It’s a good deal,
Really a steal,
The manager wins in the end.